In an effort to not cause further injury and rest my body, I decided to watch Sex & The City the movie, following the sequal immediately after. I was swooning over Carrie’s wedding dresses for Vogue and cussing out BIG through the screen for being a complete jerk, in part one. And in part two, I was swooning over the beautiful girls trip and suddenly grief stricken watching Charlotte try to keep it together in the kitchen, while baking cupcakes, one child on her hip crying, the other spilling icing and eventually placing it on her Valentino white skirt, while she tried to carry a conversation with Carrie.
For the record, I felt SEEN!
I’ve had plenty of Charlotte moments where I felt completely overwhelmed with emotions. Mostly, ones that all moms have...guilt. Today was different though, today I just felt completely helpless.
As I started our morning, I felt like today was going to be good. My husband gave the littles grapes (their pre-breakfast snack) to hold them over until I could prepare breakfast while I got myself up. I took my shower, continued on to my glorious skin care routine and then I finally got myself to the kitchen to prepare them breakfast, which resulted in Cheese Pizza at their request. In an effort to increase my water intake, I began to drink water and a few grapes before I prepared food for myself. Suddenly, feelings of nausea began to onset...
I grabbed my crutches slowly and headed upstairs to the bathroom, the dreaded vomit session was soon going to commence and in that moment I was depleted.
I sat on the floor and cried. I felt helpless and feelings of guilt began to take residency in my thoughts because my family truly suffers just as much as I do. Ugh, I hate when this happens.
But I wiped my tears, rinsed my mouth, grabbed my crutches and headed downstairs back to my children to carry out the rest of the morning routine.
But this isn’t completely about me, this is about US as moms, as women.
Allow those tears to fall on the bathroom floor, pantry floor or wherever you see fit. Chances are, in that moment they are warranted and you need the opportunity to release feelings of complete helplessness, sorrow, guilt or exhaustion. When I feel like this, I give myself permission to be human and I lay those tears on the floor. I encourage you to do the same.
Motherhood is a journey and I know it's cliche and people are probably sick of hearing it but it's so true. As I reflect on the past 18 years of my life as a mother, there have been highs and lows, and plenty of moments I felt completely unfit for the job. However, I know God placed me in this position for a reason and that goes for you too. You have been divinely selected to carry this out and girl, you can do it! Do not allow the spirit of defeat to obtain permanent residency in your thoughts.
You can do this, We’ve GOT THIS!
Have you cried on the bathroom floor?
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