Exhaustion. It manifested in me ways that sprung up fear and anxiety. I had nearly allowed anxiety to creep back into my world. Anxiety and I have a history that dates back 10 years. The doctor had decided to medicate me and it was a whirlwind. I began to RELY on the medication to function and before I knew it, even IT was not enough. When I realized the medication was no longer working, I switched doctors and we created an action plan. It took approximately 60 days to become medication free and it felt great. As I reflect, anxiety is typically linked to something and 10 years ago mines was fear. Fast forward to present day, I began to feel anxious. I didn't feel I needed medication but I knew I needed something to pull me down and remind me to SLOW DOWN and remember EVERYTHING IS OKAY. I learned a couple things about myself and I hope that this brings you to realize some things about yourself too.
I am brilliant. Not perfect but I am brilliant. I take pride in my position as a mother and an encourager. I enjoy my gift and I work to spread it in a way that encourages other women and moms. With this comes exhaustion. You fill up so many other people and neglect to remember to fill you up. I NEED TO BE FILLED DAILY.
I realized I was knocked out of routine and that routine was grad school believe it or not! Unbeknownst to people I was in school and it was my happy place. I enjoy learning and reading and once I was complete with my coursework, I realize the free time gave me the permission to be free in a way I hadn’t been in a while. I began to feel the blogger pressure of trying to go here and be there and it wore me down. THAT IS NOT OKAY because when did being a blogger require you to be a socialite?
I learned that the way that I operate may not be approved by the masses and that's okay. I always knew that but it became really clear to me and I must say, I am comfortable in that.
I need my routine. I don’t need perfection but I do need to maintain a rhythm that keeps me “balanced.” The ideology of balanced here doesn’t constitute perfection but more so being in synch with my needs.
So, I challenge you just as I have challenged myself this year, don’t allow exhaustion to overshadow you brilliance, your ability to come to realizations, your ability to learn and your ability to have a routine of some sort. So, what are you going to do about it? THIS IS YOUR TIME and the TIME IS NOW!